Attention to all the fine ladies I've crushed on since roughly 1977, beginning with Mary Shae Brickamoore, to whom I made the sweetest of honeyed Bat Out Of Hell love in the back of my parent's Chevy Nova, and the fiery-tressed Debbie Provost, the greatest babysitter to ever work at the Whittier Kentucky Fried Chicken:

You have been replaced in my heart by Sue Ellicott on Air America's Morning Sedition. That's right. Don't cry. Don't succumb to the medicine cabinet's hypnotic gaze. Please don't barrage her with hate e-mail, please don't call her names, please don't parade through the streets outside her studio unless you're in a hearty throng shouting, "Cory Frye is the sweetest guy who ever lived, and you should give it all up for him!" She's English, so she can't help that she's automatically cute and smart. They're just born that way--'cept Tony Blair, and I have it on good authority that his baby bum was first swatted by a Wisconsin doctor. I'm a native Californian, so I can't help that I'm on drugs--in this case, the deadly SWOONENOL. Oh, Sue!